No Filter.

Are any of your surprised by this title? I didn't think so.

So, yesterday, our church choir was rehearsing for the Christmas program. We were practicing "Silent Night," and there was an issue about the cut-off for the end of the line "Sleep in Heavenly Peace." Too many people were putting too much emphasis on the S sound in Peace, which is pretty common. Someone suggested that if they were not sure when to end the word, to just not say the S at all. So, of course, I pipe up and say....

"But the means you are sleeping in heavenly pee!"

....I thought I was pretty funny.

You know who else thought I was funny?

My dad.

My mom was a little grossed out.

Others were a little bit shocked at my irreverence, and gave that nervous laughter. In my life, sadly, I have heard that many times in result of something I have said.

Irreverent, yes. But funny.

New

Note: This post is in no way a derogatory reflection on my marriage. I never have, I don't now, nor will I ever publicly speak about the fall out, and subsequent end, of my marriage. Anyway...

I changed my name on Monday. Back to my birth name of Kathleen Nicole Riding. Over the last few months, I have thought a lot about what it meant to me to change my name. To leave Nicole Bell behind and go back to Nicole Riding. I never wanted to NOT be Nicole Bell; there were really great things about being that person. But, under the circumstances, I did not have a reason to keep that last name, and I wanted mine back. So what did that mean for me?

I decided that I could never just go back to the person I was before I was married. So the Nicole Riding I am today, again, is the same person, but totally different, than the Nicole Riding I was 6 years ago. It has to be so; life experience and age change us. So, again, if I can't be the same old Nicole I was, who am I?

Nicole Riding 2.0.

Computer software has upgrades all the time, why can't I? I am moving forward in my life better, stronger, and will be healthier than Nicole Riding ever has been, before she was Nicole Bell at all. So I am an upgrade.

And the great thing is? For the first time in this whole process, I truly feel like I now have a clean slate. And that is a really nice feeling.

At the same time, I feel like "I'm back." And that feels really good.

Now, in case any of you fear I will change into some kind of super-hero (I will hold out for that), never fear. Tennis shoes are still my shoe of choice, I still eat too much, say way too many stupid things, and generally still embarrass myself (or I should be embarrassed, but am not) or the people around me on a pretty regular basis. Don't panic. Upgrades don't mean a whole new system. Just a better version of the old one. There. You can sleep tonight.

Welcome.

Thanks for coming! Clearly, I have not posted yet. But I will. Seriously. Come back, where are you going??