New Chapter.

I have now lived in Utah for almost two and a half years.  I really didn't think I would be here this long, unless I had already decided to put down some roots.  But the timing has worked out as it should, and it is finally time to move on and start a new chapter.

I have spent months trying to figure out what that new chapter would look like.  I won't bore you with all the details of it; it is a really long story.  But basically, as soon as I came back to Utah, I knew the New York question would eventually have to be answered.  The fact is, when I got married I pretty much left the acting industry.  I dabbled a little bit, did a few auditions here and there, but I really put my career to the side for the sake of my marriage.  That was absolutely my choice.  I want to make that clear, lest anyone assume that Cristian was not a supportive theater husband.  But I was more concerned with getting him through school so that he could support our family; you know, the bigger picture and all that.  I also was not interested in a long distance marriage.  Even now, I still feel like I made the right choice to give my marriage priority over my career.

However, I never felt resolved or "done."  I still missed the business, and kind of lived vicariously at times through some of my friends who were still knee-deep in it.  So, when my marriage ended, I knew I would have to make the decision about whether to go back.  Some may say that should have been a no-brainer.  But it wasn't for me.  I really wanted to know where I needed to be, and what I needed to be doing, according to God's will.  I sincerely wondered if the theater industry was the right place for me at this point in my life.

The first year I was home I really didn't think about it much.  I was too busy grieving and just....being.  Surviving.  Just as it needed to be.  But a few months after my divorce, I started to give the question more thought.  I went back and forth constantly.  Again, long story short, a year later I finally got enough faith to just make a decision and stop waiting for God to tell me what to do.  Only after I started to really move forward did the peace of assurance come.  I realized that I needed to move on the best way I knew how, and let God take care of everything else.  I needed to trust myself that I would know if my direction was wrong according to His plan for me.

So, I am moving back to New York City to jump into the acting industry full time again.  I am not embarrassed to say I am still holding on to a dream to be on Broadway.  I feel like I can get there.
And honestly, why not go?  I have a unique opportunity to go back to some of my original plans before I got married.  Not a do-over, but just...another chance to live my dream.  So, why the heck not?  I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering "what if..." and having those regrets.  I also don't want to stay in Utah out of fear of getting out of my comfort zone.  I want to risk; I want to take my life by the horns and really live it.  I feel like staying in Utah and just "playing it safe" would be too complacent, too comfortable.

There is NOTHING wrong with Utah.  I love Utah.  I could create a great life for myself here.  While living here, I have had so many awesome opportunities to perform, teach, and work.  I have amazing friends and a lot of family here.  It is my home base.  There would have been nothing wrong with staying here, if that had been the right choice for me.  But it wasn't, and I felt that if I didn't go, that I would stop progressing, for me. 

So I am excited.  I finally have a direction, a goal, and I am moving forward.  After a couple of years of limbo that feel so good.  I am also ready for some adventure.  I have no idea what will happen, and I am totally alright with that.  I know I will get there and be reacquainted with how competitive, uncertain, and difficult it is.  I will have to work harder than I ever have in my life.   But that is fine. 

It is very bittersweet to leave behind my life here.  But I feel powerful.  The metamorphosis I have gone through here in Utah in the last two and a half years is nothing short of miraculous.  I am looking forward to entering a new phase with this new person I call me.  I am the me I have always been, but different at the same time.  I hope that makes me different in my craft too.  I am going with anticipation, nervousness, and hopefully a whole lot of faith.  I will need it.

I leave you with a song that I love.  It doesn't convey my excitement, per se, but the lyrics have meant a lot to me at different points in my life.  I think they may be the most applicable now.  Good stuff.

http://youtu.be/fz1N8W8phec

This could be a real party...it will be something, that's for sure.

Day with the 'Rents.

Yesterday ended up being a spontaneously great day with my parents.  We didn't set out to spend the bulk of the day together, but that is what happened.  Quality time with Mom and Dad is at a premium since I will be moving back to NYC in two weeks.  I guess I should write a post on that life-changing decision....

Anyway, I had the presence of mind to take a few pictures.

My mom and I went to our stake clothing swap in the morning, then to the Mapleton Farmers' Market.  I love farmers' markets.  I don't go very often, but every time I do, I am enamored with the concept of grassroots, and good, home grown food and goods.  Ours is not very big, but we got some really nice produce.  Super yummy.  I will have to find a market somewhere in New York.  There has to be one somewhere.  Right?

 

 So, there is an old fashioned soda fountain at a mom and pop pharmacy in Springville, called S.O.S. Drugs.  Dad keeps talking about it, and I have never been.  So yesterday, on a whim, the three of us went "into town" and had some ice cream and sodas.  Mom and Dad got some kind that they would get as kids that tastes kind of like Dr. Pepper.  I don't remember what it is called.  I keep wanting to say Rum and Coke, but somehow, I don't think that is right...

I love Springville, and how it still has such a charming Main Street, with old stores like this one.  I will miss this place. 

Last night I called in my perks from doing shows at Hale Center Theater in Orem, and took my parents to see Arsenic and Old Lace.  They both love that play, and my dad has really fond memories from being in it many years ago.  (Many...)  It was great; we all enjoyed it.  At some point during the afternoon, I had conveniently told my mom about the really great peanut butter sauce at Menchies, a frozen yogurt shop by the theater, and that all the programs have coupons inside.   You can always perk my mom's interest with coupons.  So we went to Menchies after the show.  The sauce delivered, as usual. 

It was a really nice day.  I was so glad I was home.  I am trying to be around when my parents are home a little more these last couple of weeks.  I have to say, it will be really hard to leave.  My parents have been an incredibly important aspect of my life these last few years.  We have kind of gotten used to having each other around, and it will be sad to end this chapter of my life, in large part because of them.  I like them a little bit.

Just a Little Bit of Life, No Biggie.

So, I have realized that my nieces Ally and Jen are way better bloggers than I am, and they sort of put me to shame.  Part of me is totally fine with that.  The other, more dominant part, is feeling really inspired to get better.  So, while I don't have anything major to blog about today, I just thought I would share some pictures that I have taken on my phone in the last couple of months.  I am terrible at taking pics with my actual camera.  But my phone ain't half bad.  So here goes, a little slice of my life as I know it.

Totally saw the Ghostbusters on my way to work a few months ago.  I had no idea they were real.  But, apparently...

  
Ah, Mapleton.  I took this one evening in April off of my back porch.  

And this one.  Don't worry that I live here.  We call it Mapletopia because, well, it is.

 

One day in May I was out scouting locations for my head shots and found this rail road track.  I am sure it is a great place for family portraits, head shots, not so much.  But I loved it and had to take a picture.  I think the lighting turned out kinda cool.  Good job, Motorola.





















I really do have a pretty cool and interesting job.  I work at BYU Broadcasting on a sports show called Legends.  We highlight outstanding athletic alumni who have gone on to play pro sports of some kind, or be in the Olympics, etc.  The cool part is meeting great people and seeing things that not everyone gets to see, like the press boxes at Lavell Edwards Stadium, from which this picture was taken while on a shoot.


Go Cougars.  Seriously.  I have school spirit like never before.


Ah, BYU Football Media Day.  A day at work that all my BYU freaky fan friends can only dream about attending.  Football players and coaches, past and present, hanging out, doing press for the next season.  Even I was geeking out just a bit, and I didn't know who have of them were. :-)  It really was exciting though. 

 

This is Big Blue, our state of the art HD truck.  Pretty awesome.

All of a sudden I feel really nerdy posting this, but I am doing it anyway because it is the only picture I have so far of the show I am doing, Crazy For You.  I play Irene Roth, and I have the best costumes.  For rillsies.  I took this pic for my SIL Becca, telling her all about the dress that is so tight I can't sit down in it, and I can't really afford to eat this summer.  But I am loving the show; it is a joy and a pleasure.  Especially when I get to do my big number, a sultry ditty called "Naughty Baby," right in front of my good bishop and his wife (who is a dear friend, and hysterical) sitting in the front row.  Not uncomfortable at all.
  

 

 This was taken out my office window of the Alpine, UT wildfire.  It got so much bigger after that, covering the whole mountain and half the sky, it seemed like.  We have had a lot of wildfires in Utah lately.  Really scary. 

And....Happy Fourth of July!


Sadly, the quality of this one is not great, but this is Heidi, Josh, and Amanda eating my cookies as we waited to see the fireworks from the Stadium of Fire in Provo.  What a fun night. 

That's it.  That's life.

I Cried The Other Day

So, life has been pretty good lately.  It has felt calm, but with a sense of purpose.  I have made some great decisions about the next chapter of my life, and I am finally moving forward.  I am about to open a really fun show, Crazy For You at the Hale in Orem, and my role is really fun, and my biggest stress with it is how to keep a straight face on stage with the actor who plays my opposite.  And how to dance in my 3-inch stilettos.  

Last week, as I was driving (ironically) to a session with my therapist, I started to think about what to talk to her about.  I have a few little quirks I have discovered that I might want to process, but nothing major.  No anxiety in my space for a while, and none on the horizon.  What a nice feeling.

I realized, with a rush of gratitude that enveloped my whole soul, that right now is basically the first time in 9 years that I have not felt like I have been in the midst of one trial or another.  Aside from your average daily concerns and minor things that anyone might worry about, I do not have much in the way of personal adversity in my life at this moment.  I couldn't believe it.  I cried.  Hard.  In my car.  

I can honestly say, without any caveats in my head, that I am really happy.  I know I am supposed to be happy "even in the midst of trial," but you know what?  That is really hard sometimes, and even when I am doing really well with a particular issue, and I am content, and I can say life is good, for a long time I have still had things pressing down on my spirit.  And I know this won't last; before too long I am sure I will have another growing experience.  And that is as it should be, I guess.  But for the time being, I am at rest. 

I just thank God for this right now.  That's all.  

Naomi's OCD

For some reason, at this time of transition in my life, I very rarely feel like I have anything to say that is worth putting online.  I thought I would have so much, with all the things I am learning right now in my life.  But, the fact is, I rarely take pictures, and I am not feeling inspired these days with eloquent words of wisdom, or even words of not so much wisdom. Life is just life, at the moment.  And that means that life is good.

So, is it bad that the only time I feel a need to create a blog post is when my parents do funny things?  Is it bad that it has become a joke between the three of us, this privileged place I have right now, of living with them and seeing all their quirks come out to play?  I don't think so.  I think it is hysterical, and luckily, they think it is funny too.  We all laugh when something happens and I say, "that's going on the blog."  Like today, for example....

We went to the Provo and Springville Cemetaries to pay respect to deceased family members in honor of Memorial Day.  Mom took a bunch of fake flowers to adorn the headstones of her parents and siblings who have passed on.  The first stop was her parents' site, and there happened to be a nice arrangement in place already, fake of course, to withstand the weather.  Mom placed her offering, then proceeded to try and find a better place for the other arrangement, because she was not satisfied with the position.  It was propped up against the headstone, kind of blocking her mom's name.  That was not OK with her.  After a few minutes of struggle to find a better spot in which the flowers could be stuck into the ground and stay up, she lost the fight and left them as they were.  My guess is, the other person placing (probably my cousin) couldn't find a better place either.

Then we went to the area where my mom's siblings are buried.  At one particular site, she tried to put the flowers down into the ground on either side of the head stone.  When she struggled with it, she had my dad try.  After a few minutes of both of them struggling and finally succeeding to get the fake flower stems into the hard ground, she goes, "here, switch me."  When my dad questioned her about it, Mom, just says, "it matches the other flowers at the grave next to it better if they are switched." .................................


My mother was concerned enough about the color scheme of flowers around headstones in a cemetery to change how she arranged hers.  My dad and I just kept looking at each other like, is she serious?  Apparently.  I said, "Mom, you can do whatever you want, but I reserve the right to tease you about it."  She just laughed and kept on arranging fake flowers stuck in the ground.  What I love about them is that neither Mom or Dad take themselves too seriously. 


After that, at her sister Ardis' grave site, she proceeded to clean up all the flowers at other sites around it that had fallen down in the wind.  That, I actually helped with, out of respect for wanting to keep the graves looking nice.  

Mom at Aunt Ardis' and Uncle Revo's Grave.

It doesn't change the fact that my mom is a little OCD sometimes.  And that Dad and I find it really entertaining.  

You know, just picking up flowers.  That's how she rolls.

Boys Never Change....

My dad is such a boy.

You know why? I will tell you.

Today, I was helping him in the backyard. The last thing we did was go "gopher hunting." I thought it was kind of funny that Dad seemed to actually look forward to it a bit. He even referred to the two of us as "hunters." I was struggling, with my love of all humanity, that we were going to be killing some poor small animal. But, I guess in the interest of beautiful backyards and gardens that actually live to bear fruit, the gophers have to go.

Then, as we were finishing up the last hole, I was making some dirt clumps to stick down inside. Dad put something in my hand without warning. I looked down, thinking it was going to be dirt to add to my growing supply. I think I even said, "oh, thanks." What did I actually thank him for? A live worm. In my hand.

Dad may be 73 years old, but that man still knows how to gross out a girl like he is in the school yard. What a Boy.

Living at Home Has its Advantages....

....Like when my parents both give me the eye behind each others' back. You know, that look that says, "don't you think he's (she's) crazy"?? It happened on both sides the other day, just a few hours apart. I had a hard time keeping myself together. It was amazing.

The things I see that no one else does.