Saturday, January 29, 2011

Promise to Myself #1

Last weekend I did a benefit concert for the Syd Riggs Foundation. It was to raise money for scholarships for graduating seniors in the Arts from Orem High School. I had so much fun! I really love doing concerts, I have to say. The time commitment is low, it is really fun, I get to sing fun songs, and usually I am with great friends. This concert was no different. I sang songs that I haven't done before (material from Smokey Joe's Cafe and "No Good Deed" from Wicked) and sang like I haven't gotten to for a long time. And, quite honestly, last Saturday was my wedding anniversary, so it was particularly great to have something so fun to do on what could have otherwise been a really hard day for me. For that, I was grateful.

Some of the people involved were old friends that I haven't seen for years, and it was such a pleasure to see them, and to hear them all sing agan. I felt like I was at a reunion. The audiences were not the biggest, but they were so enthusiastic, it didn't matter.

I drove away from that evening, green-painted face and all, and wondered why I had let my love of performing take a back seat in my life over the last few years. I felt so amazing and fulfilled; how had I stopped paying attention to my passion, something that is so much a part of who I am? There are a few reasons for that, and some were very justifiable. But the fact is, I stopped making what I love to do a priority for me, and I have no one to blame but myself. I stopped making ME a priority, and I can never do that again. I don't know what form performance will take for me yet, professional or non-professional, but I need it. I have thought about that a lot in the last year, and have vowed to make sure I am filling that need in myself. It is my responsibility, and I promise myself to pay more attention to that, because no one else can or should do that for me.

Welcome to the beginnings of my brain post-divorce. Welcome to Nicole Riding 2.0. Unfortunately, in my software upgrade, sometimes I still can't figure out a light, witty way to end my posts. I still have a few kinks to work out. Like any new version of an Iphone.