Last weekend I did a benefit concert for the Syd Riggs Foundation. It was to raise money for scholarships for graduating seniors in the Arts from Orem High School. I had so much fun! I really love doing concerts, I have to say. The time commitment is low, it is really fun, I get to sing fun songs, and usually I am with great friends. This concert was no different. I sang songs that I haven't done before (material from Smokey Joe's Cafe and "No Good Deed" from Wicked) and sang like I haven't gotten to for a long time. And, quite honestly, last Saturday was my wedding anniversary, so it was particularly great to have something so fun to do on what could have otherwise been a really hard day for me. For that, I was grateful.
Some of the people involved were old friends that I haven't seen for years, and it was such a pleasure to see them, and to hear them all sing agan. I felt like I was at a reunion. The audiences were not the biggest, but they were so enthusiastic, it didn't matter.
I drove away from that evening, green-painted face and all, and wondered why I had let my love of performing take a back seat in my life over the last few years. I felt so amazing and fulfilled; how had I stopped paying attention to my passion, something that is so much a part of who I am? There are a few reasons for that, and some were very justifiable. But the fact is, I stopped making what I love to do a priority for me, and I have no one to blame but myself. I stopped making ME a priority, and I can never do that again. I don't know what form performance will take for me yet, professional or non-professional, but I need it. I have thought about that a lot in the last year, and have vowed to make sure I am filling that need in myself. It is my responsibility, and I promise myself to pay more attention to that, because no one else can or should do that for me.
Welcome to the beginnings of my brain post-divorce. Welcome to Nicole Riding 2.0. Unfortunately, in my software upgrade, sometimes I still can't figure out a light, witty way to end my posts. I still have a few kinks to work out. Like any new version of an Iphone.
First of all, I love this post. I didn't go through with the marriage, but after ending my engagement, I realized what a back seat I'd let my life take to his life and his priorities, and I just want to cheer for you! Eventually you'll figure it out and you'll learn the balance between "I" and the rest of the world, but for now, go for it! Second of all, should you ever need somewhere to stay in New York (you know, to explore options or whatever) I have an air mattress with your name on it. Just sayin'. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Chloe! I never knew you were engaged, wow, I bet that was really rough. I will let you know when I find my way back to the NYC...I probably will get back there at some point, and I would love to see you. It has been a really long time!
ReplyDeleteMomma you I loved hearing you sing. It is a powerful thing to realize that you had put your passion on hold, let it shine. You have a wonderful gift that will bring happiness to those around you!!
ReplyDeletei just can't wait to see what you do next. :) i miss you and i love this new groove you are rockin- this is your year, no doubt. love you!
ReplyDeleteThis is great, Nic. I love your "I'm in charge and I'm not a victim" perspective. It's such a refreshing change from the norm. Hooray for you! See you soon! xoox
ReplyDeleteSo, i was watching the Les Mis 25 yr anniversary on KUED tonight and thought of you and when Nancy and I came to see you perform in SLC, and then I found you. Sorta stalkerish, sorry. And what's more interesting was that before watching Les Mis I thought, I need to be on a stage again, just for fun and just a little. Granted, I never, ever performed like you did, but there is something about being on a stage that just doesn't happen any other way. Good to see you're still having some fun.
ReplyDeleteaaahhhh Nicole! Man, I miss you! Loved your post and catching up. You sound terrific and have such a clear perspective of where you are at and just...YOU! I'm so happy for you that you are performing again. Sadly, we perform everyday in our living room, and we feel we are on Broadway. Maybe it isn't sad? We think it's pretty great. So, I can only imagine if you really were on a legitimate stage! Love you to pieces and just thrilled for Nicole 2.0.
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