Sunday, June 10, 2012

I Cried The Other Day

So, life has been pretty good lately.  It has felt calm, but with a sense of purpose.  I have made some great decisions about the next chapter of my life, and I am finally moving forward.  I am about to open a really fun show, Crazy For You at the Hale in Orem, and my role is really fun, and my biggest stress with it is how to keep a straight face on stage with the actor who plays my opposite.  And how to dance in my 3-inch stilettos.  

Last week, as I was driving (ironically) to a session with my therapist, I started to think about what to talk to her about.  I have a few little quirks I have discovered that I might want to process, but nothing major.  No anxiety in my space for a while, and none on the horizon.  What a nice feeling.

I realized, with a rush of gratitude that enveloped my whole soul, that right now is basically the first time in 9 years that I have not felt like I have been in the midst of one trial or another.  Aside from your average daily concerns and minor things that anyone might worry about, I do not have much in the way of personal adversity in my life at this moment.  I couldn't believe it.  I cried.  Hard.  In my car.  

I can honestly say, without any caveats in my head, that I am really happy.  I know I am supposed to be happy "even in the midst of trial," but you know what?  That is really hard sometimes, and even when I am doing really well with a particular issue, and I am content, and I can say life is good, for a long time I have still had things pressing down on my spirit.  And I know this won't last; before too long I am sure I will have another growing experience.  And that is as it should be, I guess.  But for the time being, I am at rest. 

I just thank God for this right now.  That's all.