Note: This post is in no way a derogatory reflection on my marriage. I never have, I don't now, nor will I ever publicly speak about the fall out, and subsequent end, of my marriage. Anyway...
I changed my name on Monday. Back to my birth name of Kathleen Nicole Riding. Over the last few months, I have thought a lot about what it meant to me to change my name. To leave Nicole Bell behind and go back to Nicole Riding. I never wanted to NOT be Nicole Bell; there were really great things about being that person. But, under the circumstances, I did not have a reason to keep that last name, and I wanted mine back. So what did that mean for me?
I decided that I could never just go back to the person I was before I was married. So the Nicole Riding I am today, again, is the same person, but totally different, than the Nicole Riding I was 6 years ago. It has to be so; life experience and age change us. So, again, if I can't be the same old Nicole I was, who am I?
Nicole Riding 2.0.
Computer software has upgrades all the time, why can't I? I am moving forward in my life better, stronger, and will be healthier than Nicole Riding ever has been, before she was Nicole Bell at all. So I am an upgrade.
And the great thing is? For the first time in this whole process, I truly feel like I now have a clean slate. And that is a really nice feeling.
At the same time, I feel like "I'm back." And that feels really good.
Now, in case any of you fear I will change into some kind of super-hero (I will hold out for that), never fear. Tennis shoes are still my shoe of choice, I still eat too much, say way too many stupid things, and generally still embarrass myself (or I should be embarrassed, but am not) or the people around me on a pretty regular basis. Don't panic. Upgrades don't mean a whole new system. Just a better version of the old one. There. You can sleep tonight.
I will love you always...no matter what! Just so we're clear.
ReplyDeletethis is a beautiful thing. so in awe by you.
ReplyDeleteYou. I. Love. I would love to talk to you, wonderful Nicole...send me a Facebook message and let me know how to do that. You rock.
ReplyDeleteNicole,
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this post. It's so powerful and positive...you could inspire so many people who have gone through a situation like yours and yet not dealt with it with the level of grace and respect and privacy that you have. You don't have to be a super-hero to be a hero of mine. Love YOU!! Version 2.0, 1.0, or any version at all...C.
As long as version 2.0 still sings Richard Marx into her hairbrush.
ReplyDeleteI thought Nicole 1.0 was pretty fabulous. 2.0 must be fierce. Good for you.
ReplyDeleteGood, good, good for you. I did the opposite - kept the name from the ended marriage. I was so torn. I love the idea of 2.0 - that would have helped me make huge leaps and bounds forward in my healing process. SO much love to you.
ReplyDeleteHey! I just noticed on Facebook recently that you weren't Nicole bell anymore... Not sure how I missed that since obviously it happened a while ago. It sounds like you're rocking life though and a strong woman.... You're pretty awesome Nicole. Keep on trucking.
ReplyDelete