2014 Musings

2013 was great.  I can safely say it was a great year.  I was happy, healthy, I worked really hard and had a lot of fun.  Did I get an acting gig?  No.  Well, yes.  But it was a 2 week contract that I turned down.  It didn't feel right, so I went with my gut.  I'm glad I did, but would have been even gladder (is that a word) if another, better job had come in its place.  Oh well.

But anyway, I saw family, played a lot with new and old friends, traveled a bit, and learned a lot. 2013 was great.

2014 has arrived.  And with it, the inevitable self reflection that usually comes with a new beginning.  I don't really make resolutions, per se.  At least I don't call them that.  I usually just have things I am thinking about, concepts I want to work on or get better at.  This year is no different.

I want to learn to love my body, no matter what state it is in.  Plus a few pounds, minus a few pounds. Feeling skinny, feeling fat.  Food baby, no food baby.  I want to learn to just focus on and truly appreciate the gift that it is.  My body is not perfect, and it doesn't work perfectly.  As I get older my body is starting to protest a little more each year.  But it works really well.  I can't complain; I can do just about anything I need to do in my life with it.  Do I wish I was an amazing dancer?  Of course.  But that's not what I am talking about.  I mean that all 5 of my senses are in good working condition.  I can exercise and physically push myself to stay in shape, even when I am not in the mood.  I can sleep, and my insomnia from a few years ago is better now than it was.  I will never take that for granted.  My body can heal.  And you know what?  It doesn't look too bad either.  I am grateful for my metabolism, and I don't mean that lightly.  I want to appreciate that more as well.

I want to look in the mirror with love and not criticism.  I think that is the biggest key for me.  Too often, I look in my mirror, immediately turn to the side, check the side view, and am rarely satisfied.  In those moments, my mind is flooded with damaging thoughts about how I am not doing enough, how my body is not enough. I really want to change that.  I want to live in a better state of gratitude for my body, and everything about it.

The part B of this thought is that if I can truly love an appreciate my body, maybe that will help me respect it more and treat it better.  As in, eat better out of self-love and respect, not a fear of getting fat.  I do pretty well with exercise.  But I could do better with my eating, and I believe that is all part of respecting and loving our bodies.

The other main concept I have been thinking a lot about is trust in God, namely with my career.  I want to really put my trust in Him that my life is in His hands.  My career is in His hands.  I want to let go of my need to control this industry and the people in it so that they all love me and want to cast me.  I need to trust that I am right where I need to be in MY journey, and that journey has nothing to do with anyone else's.  So I don't need to compare myself and my career to others.  Comparison never ends well for me.  I can be truly happy for others' successes, because their triumph does NOT mean my failure.  It is not connected to my life in any way.

I am powerless over pretty much everything and everyone around me.  But that is ironically empowering because all I need to worry about is my own craft and preparation, and leave the rest to God, accepting that I'm always progressing.  I don't know God's end game, but I need to have more faith that it is better than the one I have planned for myself.  I'm even progressing with all the rejection.  I don't know what it means, but eventually all the rejection and frustration will be clear, and I will have learned what I need to, or gained what I needed, or whatever.

It's a beautiful thing to have epiphanies every once in a while that can bring increased focus, motivation and peace of mind.  Maybe instead of resolutions I will call these my epiphanies for 2014.  I like it.

You know what else I like?  Profile pictures like this from dating sites:


The NAME!  I can't handle it.

And yes.  I am openly admitting that I am trying out online dating.  The entertainment value is priceless.  Oh- I'm supposed to actually find someone nice and go on a date?  I don't know what that means.